2/18/2019 0 Comments Cultures and Valentine’s DayThere are many approaches to observe and analyze different cultures, but one of my favorites is to look at a very similar event that occurs in several cultures, and you may readily see how the cultural soils shape the event differently. Since the differences in events and customs are more visible than the ubiquitous cultures, they serve as mirrors that help us to take a peek into the culture.
Valentine’s Day has just passed, which I am very grateful for, since the fancy heart-shaped liquor-filled chocolates that I intended to make failed miserably, and the frustration associated with the disaster I caused in the kitchen cannot be too soon forgotten:P As I reflect on this holiday of celebrating romantic love, however, I realize that this holiday, or a similar holiday that may fall on a different day of the year, is observed differently in other cultures. Interestingly, the ways Valentine’s Day or its counterparts are celebrated could shed light on the beliefs of love and interpersonal relationships in general in different cultures. Take the example of Valentine’s Day in the United States. Despite its roots in Christianity and Saints (you can read about all that in Wikipedia), the modern Valentine’s Day in the US is primarily a day for expressing romantic love, mostly between dating couples, though sometimes people broaden the meaning of love to include friends as well. In a culture like American culture, where romantic love is highly valued and viewed as sacred by many—when asked whether they would be willing to marry someone with all the qualities they are looking for in a spouse but they do not love this person, nearly 90% of Americans answer “absolutely no”—a holiday to express and celebrate romantic love is taken very seriously, particularly by chocolate manufacturers and restaurants. Since romantic love should be exclusive, most Americans readily observe this holiday by celebrating it with their sweethearts only (if they have one), or stay away from their friends who are seriously dating so as not to be the third wheel. Starting late January, pink and heart-shaped decorations are everywhere, reminding everyone “love is in the air”. With the influence of Western cultures spreading into East Asia, you can start seeing people, particularly young people celebrate Valentine’s Day on Feb. 14th as well, but this trend is relatively recent. In fact, a traditional holiday associated with romantic love has existed for about two thousand years, named “Qi Xi” (七夕). The tale is that the youngest daughter of the Heaven’s Emperor and a peasant on the earth fell in love with each other. Since the former is a fairy (hence a heavenly creature), and the latter is only a mortal, heavenly laws deemed this love forbidden. As a result, the fairy was forced to go back to the heaven, and the peasant ran after her in the hope of retaining her. The Heaven’s Queen stopped his pursuit by creating the Milky Way, separating the fairy and the peasant. In the end she softened her heart to allow this star-crossed couple to meet once per year, on July 7th by lunar calendar, when magpies would form a bridge on the Milky Way (“Silver River 银河” in Chinese) for the couples. This legend has been well-known since 800 B.C., but despite its contents, Qi Xi as a holiday bears little resemblance to what we consider as a lovers’ day. Since the aforementioned fairy was in charge of handcrafts (e.g. knitting, weaving), the main custom of the holiday has been, historically, women wishing for dexterity in their hands. In ancient China, a female’s ability to create beautiful handcrafts/needlework is an important criterion for judging how suitable she is to be a wife. In other words, Qi Xi is a day when women wish for crafty competence so that they could be qualified to be married. In this sense, Qi Xi is vaguely related to marriage, but as you can see there is very little romantic love involved. Indeed, the traditional view of marriage in China is utility-based, and the feelings of the two people in marriage are rarely taken into account, particularly considering the fact that in arranged marriages (the predominant marriage form in China until last century), the bride and groom have never met each other until the wedding day. The crafty competence could be conveyed by an intermediate just like in a job application, but you may agree that romantic love could not possibly develop without a face-to-face interview. In the last two decades, there has been a trend to name Qi Xi the Chinese Valentine’s Day as a means to promote traditional Chinese culture. But in modern society where women’s craftiness is no longer important in the dating market, I have trouble seeing the effort being successful other than giving candy manufacturers a different day of the year to increase their sales. Even when I link Qi Xi with the original love story of the fairy and the peasant (supposedly they did develop romantic love despite all restrictions), I cannot help feeling sad, which dampens my mood of “celebration”. If you only get to see your beloved once per year, wouldn’t you be sad as well? If the Chinese version of the lovers’ day reflects the utility view of marriage (as well as the sadness usually associated with romantic love) in Chinese culture, the Japanese version of Valentine’s Day is certainly a unique mirror of the social network in Japanese culture. In Japan, Feb. 14th is a day to give chocolates to everyone, including friends, family members, or even casual acquaintances. Japanese would feel guilty to neglect anyone on their chocolate recipient list, since they feel the need to carefully maintain all their interpersonal relationships so that no one’s feeling is hurt. This gives rise to giri-choco, chocolates given to people without indicating an intention for romantic relationship. The value (or at least the price tag) of the chocolates is an index of the importance of the relationship to the giver—the more important the relationship (e.g. your supervisor, your parents), the more expensive the chocolate should be. Instead of a day to celebrate romantic love, the Japanese Valentine’s Day has evolved to be a day to express appreciation of all one’s relationships, be it professional, personal, or just casual. If you still want to prepare something special only for the one person you truly love, you can give him/her honmei-choco, which is the same as Valentine chocolates in the U.S. Even more interesting is the idea of “White Day”, namely Mar 14th, one month after Valentine’s Day, when recipients of chocolates on Valentine’s Day are expected to return the favor by giving white chocolates/candies/accessories/jewelries to the giver of the chocolates. The recipients of giri-chocolates are no exception. “Giri” has a very subtle and complicated meaning in Japanese culture, which may be roughly translated as obligation, but an obligation that should be kept even. For example, if I have done you a favor, you owe me “giri” that you should repay in the future in some form, and vice versa. Japanese who fail to repay giri where it is due could bear shame for the rest of their lives. The repayment of “giri” should be proportional to the favor received (not the favor given—in other words, it is estimated from the recipient’s perspective). Likewise, the value of the gifts returned on “White Day” should be proportional to the importance of the relationship from the gift givers’ perspectives. This custom is probably only prevalent in collective cultures where interpersonal obligations play an important role in connecting people. These are the three different versions’ of Valentine’s Day that I know of. What is Valentine’s Day (or equivalent holidays) like in other cultures? I would love to hear your input!
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